The GA Guinn Trips

Divorce Sucks! There's no other way around it! I always struggle with how much to address on this blog since it is public and the world can see, but since this is my version of the girl’s baby book and the divorce is a part of their life, so I feel like I should address it here.

Over a year ago, my world fell apart when Frank and I separated. Feelings were hurt. Hearts were broken. Anger was everywhere. I shut my emotions down and turned off to survive. It was easier than feeling the hurt that was all around me. But still I hurt. I cried more times than I didn't. I yearned constantly for my children to not be separated from me, and I was constantly worried about where they were and what they were being exposed too. I didn't sleep, and eventually I got sick and felt like I was losing my mind at times. We divorced in October and at that point, I reached my lowest and ended up in the hospital. While hospitalized, I found out I had celiac and slowly began to feel better as my diet got better. (Please note that this is only my personal feelings, Frank has his own and he has his own perspective of what happened...)

Frank made some changes in his life around the end of Jan. He began calling more in February; it wasn't something that was planned. It was just a small thing. We talked about small things: the girls, work, his plans for the house, and my growing dislike of my job. After a while, we both realized that we were becoming friends again. Frank asked me one day if I was willing to go back to counselling with him. I am not sure why, but I agreed. And so began the next chapter in our lives.

We did not take this step lightly. We both have issues that we are working on. I am not going into this with blinders on. Trust is something we are hoping to rebuild. We are not sure where this road will lead us. It may be a train wreck. It may be the best thing that ever happened. But where ever we end up, at the end of the day, we can look our children in the eyes and tell them that we didn't just break up their family without trying. We are committed to coming out at the other end of this as FRIENDS. We are working with our counsellor to make sure our girls are okay through all of this. I don't have blinders on, and I am NOT stupid, but are my kids worth me trying one more time? YES! A RESOUNDING YES! Some people have asked why I wasn't willing to try before this and honestly, I was too angry, too hurt, and too shut down to even begin to be open to forgiveness, but between being sick and the changes I have made to make myself feel better, I have realized that I can forgive....

We are not asking for support. We are not asking for our families to accept this. We are not asking for anything other than time. Time to let us work through this. We know that many people don't understand. We understand that many people will think we are crazy. But we are committed to trying this and what happens is being left in GOD'S hands. He knows my heart. He knows Frank's heart. He knows what will happen and for once in my life, I am attempting to NOT lean on my own understanding and allowing him to direct my path!